A PAINFUL REFLECTION

Okay here’s the truth. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to write about for this week’s entry. There isn't much interesting news other that the much talked about first ever F1 night race in Singapore this coming Sunday. Almost everyone has been talking about it much less reading about it. So what on earth can I put together that deserves a good reading?? I decided to flip through my midterm notes for this module and chanced upon our latest section for this chapter which is the Knapp model of interpersonal relationships. Let me just state that this is one of the most interesting chapters up to date as I could totally relate to the 10 stages and thus, did not take me long to RECALL them.

While typing this blog entry, I received an msn message from the ex asking how I am. It then got me recalling our past. The stages we went through that ended up in the terminating stage (stage 10-Terminating) of any relationship where our relationship was irreconcilable. There was no form of communication between us and I assume that led to my final decision. We had different ideas of communication and his verbal abuse often got in the way of my attempt toward a peaceful conversation. Whenever we got into a quarrel or a misunderstanding, he had his infamous phrase awaiting me, “I do not want to talk about it now.” (Stage 7-Circumscribing) If not now, when then? Because of our lack of communication skills there was a period of time when we both literally grew apart. I started to avoid him, to prevent myself from any more verbal abuse. (Stage 9-Avoiding) I guess after this stage, I realized that there was nothing left to salvage. Did i really want to be in an abusive relationship?

"And even furthermore I wonder why I'm still seeing him?"


It was not always tears and pain though. There was the initial dating ritual where we both got together after he initiated. He started making small talk to me whilst studying and we soon began to go out on dates. (Stage 1-Initiating) We did not have many things in common though but we still managed to keep it going, at least for a few years. He was a family orientated person and thus was able to mingle well with my family. To me, that is the most important factor in my relationships, is that they can get along well with my loved ones. His ability to mingle well with my family made me like him even more and our relationship grew to another level altogether. We started calling ourselves a couple and saw ourselves as a “unit” in the relationship. (Stage3 and 4-Intensifying and Integrating)
Like my lecturer mentioned, the order need not always be but what I do know is that in every relationship, these stages are almost always present.